- Trump BLASTED!
Harris blasts Trump! Trump lies! Everything is crazy!
Dude, did you HEAR about this SHIT?! Harris just TOTALLY blasted Trump! And then, guess what? FACT CHECK – TRUMP LIED! That’s CRAZY!
- UPCOMING EVENTS! LIGHT PULLOVER AND DISTANT STARE CONTEST!
The exciting return of the legendary Distant Stare contest is neigh!
LIGHT PULLOVER AND DISTANT STARE CONTEST RETURNS TO THE PUMPKIN SPREE!
With pandemic restrictions finally easing, we are excited to welcome the return of the ‘Light pullover and distant stare contest!’
2019 winner and champion Helk Minimus (pictured) is sure to return to defend his crown!
Gift certificates are there!
5x age restrictions for safety!
****Some limits apply****
- UPCOMING EVENTS! IT’S TIME FOR THE 137TH ANNUAL PUMPKIN SPREE!
Calling all fans of the Pumpkin Spree! As many as you can!
IT’S TIME FOR THE 137TH ANNUAL PUMPKIN SPREE!
There’s no denying it, Fall is right around the corner, and we all know what that means!
As many pumpkins as you can!
All in one minute!
You can be done!
****Some limits apply****
- DESIGN AND MAKE YOUR OWN CLAM!
Time to gather with friends and neighbors to make some clams!
DESIGN AND MAKE YOUR OWN CLAM!
Unleash your creativity at our new special event: 'Design and make your OWN CLAM!' Join us this Thursday evening for a fun-filled gathering where we'll be crafting CLAMS from SCRATCH! Don't forget to bring your artistic flair! See you there for a CLAM-TASTIC time!
****We will be making ACTUAL CLAMS, so COME PREPARED!***
REFLECTIONS-THAT ESPRESSO SONG
Everybody loves that espresso song by the lady, but not me.
So much to think about
THAT ESPRESSO SONG
Everybody loves that espresso song by the lady, but not me. In fact it really drives me crazy. I’m trying to think of things that are worse than hearing that espresso song, but it is hard because that espresso song is so bad.
Here’s a couple that I thought of so far:
Having boiling water thrown in your face and then you go to the emergency room and the doctor throws boiling water in your face.
A.I. taking your job and then you are homeless and then you get hit by a self-driving car and then you go to the hospital and the doctor throws boiling water in your face.
REFLECTIONS-CITY LIVING
Don’t let my constant complaining fool you, I, in fact, do enjoy living in the city from time to time.
So much to think about
CITY LIVING
Despite my near-constant bitching, I do love living in the city. I mean, one of the first things that I saw when I left my house this morning was a crow eating throw-up in the middle of the street. Pure magic.
REFLECTIONS-LONELINESS
Sometimes I feel so lonely.
So much to think about
LONELINESS
Sometimes I feel so lonely. Like I’m the only one on Earth that hates Eminem’s music. You know what I mean?
REFLECTIONS-NATIVE LAND
Did you ever notice how much more native land you can be on when you’re laying down versus standing up?
So much to think about
NATIVE LAND
Did you ever notice how much more native land you can be on when you’re laying down versus standing up? I think about that all the time when I’m laying in the grass looking up at the clouds or whatever, I’m thinking, “Man, I am on SO much native land right now!” Then, when I stand up I think, “Hmm, not really on much native land anymore.”
Sometimes I’ll jump up in the air and I wont be on any native land at all. Too bad we can’t all just float around all the time.
OF COURSE!!! COWBOY POEMS BY COWMAN ROB
When I was a kid, I loved that “Crocodile Dundee.”
Mick Dundee can love music too
CROCODILE DUNDEE, A REFLECTION
When I was a kid, I loved that “Crocodile Dundee.”
I’m pretty sure that we must have recorded on VHS from HBO,
my brothers and I would watch it, over and over.
I had never seen the cover art though, only the movie.
At some point, when I first saw the image on the display box in the video store or the supermarket,
I remember thinking, “What the fuck is Crocodile Dundee doing between two jukeboxes?”
I never got close enough to really get a good look at the cover,
so for a long time,
I mean, probably into my late teens or early twenties,
I always thought the cover picture was of him standing between these two jukeboxes.
I don’t remember when I finally figured out that he was being portrayed as some sort of skyscraper bending giant,
but I did.
Though, whenever I see that picture,
I still think about those jukeboxes and wonder what they have to do with the movie.
BUNCHA PEOPLE OUT WALKIN’ AROUND…
Even people out walking around can’t evade the incisive observations of Shane Brently.
Shane Brently tells and asks it like it is
BUNCHA PEOPLE OUT WALKIN' AROUND…
Cleveland, OH - Cutting against the grain of all known conversational conventions, Heberton Township resident Shane Brently is at it again. Commanding his formidable skills with the surety of a master swordsman, Shane lets forth a short string of exquisitely chosen words which simultaneously appear to both observe, and call into question the number of people in Glip-Heber Falls Park this afternoon, "Buncha People Out Walkin' Around…" He says and asks.
Shane's statement/question has thus become a seemingly insurmountable challenge to your own ability to properly communicate; for as you desperately grasp for even the barest of utterances, Shane looks you straight in the eye and says, “Bipedalism.”
With his razor-sharp philosophical acumen and ability to see things and then say what he sees, Shane Brently has put on full display a show of daring and expertise that would humble some and humiliate most. Sadly, you are but the latest victim of his awesome lingual vortex as your brains have become scrambled while attempting to process his interrogative observation. Likely, you realize much too late, the surest response to Shane’s eloquent riddle is also the one offered by the master himself, “Yep.” Shane says.
OF COURSE!!! COWBOY POEMS BY COWMAN ROB
A cowman puts to pen his observations on the nature of time.
Yes, Cowman Rob knows that the seasons are changing
OF COURSE!!! COWBOY POEMS BY COWMAN ROB
Time-Sensitive Cowboy
don’t sound the alert
for its not the time yet
a good cowboy knows
and a good cowman does
when you think that there’s more
and there never is none
the briefest exchange
your eyes can look tired
and the weight
and the barge
and the wandering
the mountains with ravenous mosquitos
set upon, so cruel.
I can be the sun in a moment.
YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
A curious man wonders aloud about your yet uneaten food while standing outside wearing a backpack.
Shane Brently has some questions about your half-eaten sandwich
YOU GONNA EAT THAT?
Cleveland, OH - Intellectual connoisseur and modern-day Socrates Shane Brently of Heberton Township has masterfully elevated the act of asking to an art form. Armed with a quizzical expression and an undeniable hunger for basic information, Shane poses deep philosophical questions with a profound need to comprehend the existential nature of consumption.
Transcending the mundane act of eating for sustenance, he seeks to explore the innermost desires of the soul and would really like to know “You gonna eat that?” Through his simple yet poignant query, he dares to delve into the abyss of your gustatory intentions, attempting to connect on a level that most mortals could only dream of.
A question that has been perplexing minds for at least two minutes, residents are encouraged to let Shane know if they are “gonna eat that” as soon as possible.
OF COURSE!!! COWBOY POEMS BY COWMAN ROB
My food is dirt, and that’s real.
A cowman and his poems
OF COURSE!!! COWBOY POEMS BY COWMAN ROB
Let me tell you of course, about me, a cowboy so fair,
On the range, out, with a sun-squinty eye,
My food is dirt, and that’s real.
A smile, my smile, so grand, so wide,
A touch like a breeze on the papery land,
I knew every trail and most of the passes,
Over time I’ve forgotten some.
The dirt from the land, the dust and the grit,
Scooped and sprinkled, I have many spoons.
My teeth are all broken apart.
I believe in the earth. I believe I will eat it.
I pray “God, hey it’s me, I’m your good cowboy Rob,
I’m eating all the dirt I can handle,
From your own precious earth,” I can do anything.
ANYBODY KNOW IT'S GONNA BE SUNNY TODAY?
Despite the endless amount of information available at our fingertips, one man wants to know ‘it gonna be sunny today?’
Shane Brently has some questions about the sun for you
ANYBODY KNOW IT'S GONNA BE SUNNY TODAY?
Cleveland, OH – In an era marked by technological advancements, scientific breakthroughs, and endless information at our fingertips, one question continues to confound Shane Brently of Heberton Township: "Anybody know it's gonna be sunny today?" Despite the proliferation of weather apps, satellite imagery, self-proclaimed weather enthusiasts and windows, the answer to this simple question appears to remain at times, seemingly unknowable.
Residents are encouraged to appraise Mr. Brently on the current state of the suns’ luminosity should they encounter him.