RUSSELL WILSON'S SHOCKING PRESS CONFERENCE: UNVEILING THE $37,000 STATIC-FREE SWAGGER

Russell Wilson refuses to be shocked

RUSSELL WILSON'S SHOCKING PRESS CONFERENCE: UNVEILING THE $37,000 STATIC-FREE SWAGGER

Englewood, CO - Denver Broncos quarterback Russell 'Big Russ' Wilson held a press conference yesterday to address swirling rumors that he has been sporting a cutting-edge $37,000 skin-tight body suit to thwart the dreaded menace of static-electricity. It seems the quarterback's pursuit of a shock-free existence has taken him to truly electrifying extremes.

When asked about the extravagant price tag, Wilson chuckled, declaring, "Well, you know, you can't put a price on ‘Make it Fresh’ and you can’t put a price on avoiding static electricity.” He then proceeded to demonstrate how he can confidently interact with people without fear of shock by inviting the entire front row of the assembled press corps up to the podium for a seven-and-a-half-minute round of high-fives.

But the electrifying revelations didn't stop there. It appears that Wilson has taken an equally shocking stance against his recent legal woes. Despite being slapped with a lawsuit for his enthusiastic use of the catchphrase 'Make It Fresh,' a collaboration between Macklemore and Dr. Pepper, Wilson has refused to back down.

Having been ordered to pay $129,000 and served with a cease-and-desist letter and a court-ordered fine of $3,200 for each future instance of him uttering the slogan in public, Wilson has shown no signs of compliance, either out of defiance or indifference.

"Make It Fresh, my friends!" he bellowed as he left the podium.