BREAKING: PLANT APP MAKES MY PLANTS HEALTHY AND NOW MY HOUSE IS COMPLETELY FULL OF FLIES!
Who’d have thought? Dumping beer and yogurt into buckets of dirt all around my house? Incredible!
BREAKING NEWS: I'M GET TATTOOS AND CRAM SALAD IN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!
ATTENTION!: I’m have GO TO TATTOOS PUT ON MY SKIN! It has ONLY HURT some LITTLE BIT! THIS IS OK! STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME! THIS TATTOOS ARE WORTH IT!
SATAN UNLEASHES AVERAGE BOY BAND ON WORLD
The story of the RealBoys begins just like you knew it would: with a contest between Satan and Lin Manuel Miranda to see who could put together the most ‘just ok’ boy band ever.
ELMO LAUNCHES STING-NET!
Cuddly animal-monster ELMO have LAUNCH STING-NET at you! And NOW YOU ARE CAUGHT and IT STINGS!
STARBUCKS RELEASES PUMPKIN SPICE OFFERINGS EARLIER THAN EVER GIVING OVERWHELMED NATION SOMETHING NEW TO BITCH ABOUT
Starbucks releases Pumpkin Spice Latte’s in August, just in time for Summer! A grateful nation complains.
OH SHIT! MONKEY VERSUS LIZARD, MONKEY VERSUS LIZARD!!!!
Bang! Smoosh! Kabram!!!! GRAF! Clonks! Fire! Fire! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Monkey versus Lizard, Monkey versus Lizard!
PETE CARROLL AND RUSSELL WILSON TEAM UP WITH CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF MARSHAWN LYNCH AND FORM NEW NFL FRANCHISE: “SEE YOU IN THE SUPERBOWL, DICKHEADS!”
Exciting news! Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks) and Russell Wilson (Denver Broncos) have released a statement indicating that the former championship duo plan to start their own professional football team.
REPORT: YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO NAMIBIA
You’re never been to Namibia and you’re never going to Namibia, why are you even thinking about it?
EMINEM ANNOUNCES BIG TRANSFORMATION
An exciting announcement from legendary, famous rapper Eminem, indicating that he will be immediately changing his name to Flip-Boy and will only be rapping in limerick form moving forward.
LOWES ANNOUNCES ‘DOLLAR DAYS’ EVENT WITH JABBO AND THE BOYS
In a move that's sure to leave bros and hoes across the country jumping for joy, Lowes has announced its latest event: Dollar Days with Jabbo and the Boys!
AEROSMITH THREATENS TO ROCK SEATTLE
Legendary rock band Aerosmith has announced plans to perform a tour of the most awful music imaginable and has recently added Seattle to it’s list of city’s to be punished.