ATTENTION!: I’m have GO TO TATTOOS PUT ON MY SKIN! It has ONLY HURT some LITTLE BIT! THIS IS OK! STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME! THIS TATTOOS ARE WORTH IT!

Klepf, PA - The story of the RealBoys begins just like you knew it would: with a contest between Satan and Lin Manuel Miranda to see who could put together the most ‘just ok’ boy band ever.

Sesame Street, NY - Cuddly animal-monster ELMO have LAUNCH STING-NET at you! And NOW YOU ARE CAUGHT and IT STINGS!

Seattle, WA. – An already anxious nation breathed a heavy sigh of relief when international coffee chain Starbucks announced the release of it’s fall themed Pumpkin Spice beverage offerings during the third week of August, a precedent shattering two weeks earlier than usual.

Hollywood, CA. - Bang! Smoosh! Kabram!!!! GRAF! Clonks! Fire! Fire! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Monkey versus Lizard, Monkey versus Lizard! Electric shoots! Glammm! Ker-poo-klip!!! Hrunch! Chram! Run, run, run! It’s Monkey! LIZARD!!!

San Francisco, TX - Snatch off your clubs and get up your gear! The July issue of Golfing Toilet magazine has proclaimed renowned golfing toilet, Toilet Woods, as its best golfing toilet of 2024.

Seattle, WA – Following their recent dismissals from their respective teams, Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks) and Russell Wilson (Denver Broncos) have released a statement indicating that the former championship duo plan to start their own professional football team.

Hi, looks like you dropped by for a hang, but you already know that I got something else going on. Let me break it down for you, one more time.

Your House – You were just getting ready to fold some laundry when Namibia popped into your head for some reason. You're pretty sure Namibia is in Africa, but you're not sure where (it's in the southwestern portion of the continent). You think about how you’d love to check out a place like Namibia someday, but you've never even left the state that you were born in.

Detroit, MI - Legendary rapper Eminem has announced that he will be immediately changing his name to Flip-Boy and will only be rapping in limerick form moving forward.

In a move that's sure to leave bros and ho's across the country jumping for joy, Lowes has announced its latest event: Dollar Days with Jabbo and the Boys!

SEATTLE, WA - Legendary rock band Aerosmith has announced its plans to perform a concert of the most awful music imaginable in Seattle, and the city is understandably on edge.