Sesame Street, NY - Cuddly animal-monster ELMO have LAUNCH STING-NET at you! And NOW YOU ARE CAUGHT and IT STINGS!

Seattle, WA. – An already anxious nation breathed a heavy sigh of relief when international coffee chain Starbucks announced the release of it’s fall themed Pumpkin Spice beverage offerings during the third week of August, a precedent shattering two weeks earlier than usual.

Hollywood, CA. - Bang! Smoosh! Kabram!!!! GRAF! Clonks! Fire! Fire! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Monkey versus Lizard, Monkey versus Lizard! Electric shoots! Glammm! Ker-poo-klip!!! Hrunch! Chram! Run, run, run! It’s Monkey! LIZARD!!!

San Francisco, TX - Snatch off your clubs and get up your gear! The July issue of Golfing Toilet magazine has proclaimed renowned golfing toilet, Toilet Woods, as its best golfing toilet of 2024.

Seattle, WA – Following their recent dismissals from their respective teams, Pete Carroll (Seattle Seahawks) and Russell Wilson (Denver Broncos) have released a statement indicating that the former championship duo plan to start their own professional football team.

Hi, looks like you dropped by for a hang, but you already know that I got something else going on. Let me break it down for you, one more time.

Your House – You were just getting ready to fold some laundry when Namibia popped into your head for some reason. You're pretty sure Namibia is in Africa, but you're not sure where (it's in the southwestern portion of the continent). You think about how you’d love to check out a place like Namibia someday, but you've never even left the state that you were born in.

Legville, IA - Rich Uncle Steven, renowned for his role as bassist in the world-famous reggae/funk band 'The Appropriators,' recently made headlines for scoring an unbelievable deal on a Costco travel package to the city of Babylon. Not only did he manage to snag a great deal on flights, hotel, and transportation, but he even got several discounts on some fun local activities that are sure to be a delight for his whole family.

Washington D.C. – Former President Obama has been hard at work since leaving office and recently took to the Sunday morning shows to announce his latest invention: the Funky Diarrhea - a dance he is sure that will sweep the nation.

Shepston, WI — With a bittersweet sigh and a firm grip on their sunscreen, Jabbo and the Boys announced the end of their epic summertime escapades. As the leaves begin to change color and the temperature dips, these sun-soaked champions of shirtlessness find themselves facing the inevitable embrace of fall.

Englewood, CO - Denver Broncos quarterback Russell 'Big Russ' Wilson held a press conference yesterday to address swirling rumors that he has been sporting a cutting-edge $37,000 skin-tight body suit to thwart the dreaded menace of static-electricity. It seems the quarterback's pursuit of a shock-free existence has taken him to truly electrifying extremes.

Washington D.C. — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez D-N.Y., has taken aim at Doritos' latest creation, the 'Hot Mustard' flavor. In a fiery statement, she declared the new snack as nothing more than "total corporate garbage" and accused parent company Frito-Lay of deliberately inundating the public with an excessive number of choices, leading to a culture of complacent consumerism.

Step into the spotlight this Halloween and steal the scene while scantily dressed as the iconic streaming platform! Embrace your inner media corporation while flaunting the ubiquitous logo and accessorize with a captivating universal remote control and lacy underwear.

Recently, NASA scientists decided to turn their sophisticated instruments towards Earth itself, hoping to uncover a harmonious interplay of sounds from our own planet. However, what they stumbled upon was nothing short of astonishing: one continuous, seemingly endless, and unmistakable sound – a long, resonating fart.

Culver City, CA - Megan Trainor, the Grammy-winning pop star known for her hits "All About That Bass" and "Lips Are Movin'", is set to make a splash on Shark Tank with her latest venture: Slur Cream.

Washington, D.C. - Brace yourselves, folks, because Jabbo and the Boys are back, and they're ready to turn up the heat on your summer! With their glistening abs, awesome hats, and a bunch of umbrellas, this trio of finely sculpted gentlemen is set to turn out the summertime fun like no one else can.

Seattle, WA - Seattle rapper Macklemore has filed a lawsuit against Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson over the usage of the catchphrase "make it fresh." The lawsuit claims that Wilson's adoption and usage of the phrase infringes on the tagline "makin' it fresh," which was about to be trademarked for usage by Macklemore and Dr. Pepper.

Denver, CO - Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson has called a press conference to address a recent issue that some fans have been speculating about for months. Wilson felt it was time to publicly express his frustration with the constant static electric shocks he’s been receiving and promised to “make it fresh.”

Seattle, WA - Get ready, literary world, because Macklemore is back with what he's calling the "definitive sequel" to Tolstoy's War and Peace. The rapper-turned-author is taking on one of the greatest works of literature in history, and he's doing it with a new protagonist that you won't soon forget.

Australian singer-songwriter Gotye has finally come clean about the true origins of his stage name. Contrary to popular belief, his name is not a pronunciation misspelling. In fact, it's simply an acronym for "Game Of The Year Edition" - a nod to his passion for limited and special release video games.