SUBURBASAURUS SAYS, “I LOVE FAST FASHION!”

SUBURBASAURUS SAYS, “I LOVE FAST FASHION!”

Hey, Guys! Who cares! It's me, Suburbasaurus! I'm here to shout it out, for real this time – and I MEAN IT! - I LOVE FAST FASHION! And you know what? I don't give a SHIT what anyone thinks! Fast fashion is my JAM, and I DON’T CARE.

First things first, let's talk about MY motto: 'Good enough for ME, good enough for the LANDFILL.' Why waste time and money on clothes that are built to last when you can grab the hottest trends at prices so low it's practically a steal? Quality? Durability? No thanks. If it falls apart after a few wears, so be it. Into the landfill it goes, and I'm on to the next.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room - my ‘carbon’ footprint. As my name suggests, I’m PART DINOSAUR, so I leave HUGE footprints - CARBON FOOTPRINTS!! Get it? But you know what? I don't give a SHIT about that! Who needs a healthy planet when you can have a closet bursting with FAST FASHION FINDS? My fashion choices may be destroying the Earth, but, SO WHAT? I LOOK GOOD!

And speaking of looking good, I'm forever waiting for the day when I can FINALLY get a pair of the most EXTREMELY tight BUTT SHORTS that also have bell-bottom style thigh holes. I mean, who needs comfort when you can LOOK. THIS. GOOD. Sure, I might not be able to sit down without showing off my CLOACA, but who needs to sit when you turn heads like SUBURBASAURUS? It's all about priorities, folks. MY PRIORITIES!

Now, let's get SUPER real here. Sometimes I throw the package out without even opening it - thanks, kids! I still APPRECIATE all of your HARD WORK! Fast fashion arrives at my doorstep faster than I can say "TikTok," and sometimes I can't even keep up. But you know what? Buy it, toss it, who gives a SHIT? As long as it's FAST, as long as it's FASHION, then, you know, I love ALL this SHIT!

In a world where slow fashion might someday make a comeback, and sustainability is the BUZZWORD of the day, I stand proudly as a FAST FASHION enthusiast. Who needs to shop around when you can HAVE IT ALL? Who needs ANYTHING when you can have EVERYTHING delivered to your door RIGHT NOW? So, LET ME AT THAT FAST FASHION, executive consumption, and a closet that's bursting at the seams! I don't give a SHIT what anyone says; I'm here to slay in my OWN FAST FASHION WAY!