HERE’S A ‘WOKE’ STORY YOU’LL LOVE!

The gender neutral butt crack of Potatohead

HERE’S A ‘WOKE’ STORY YOU’LL LOVE!

Despite what the Ignorant-MAGA-Fascists (The 77.3 million ACTUAL Nazis who voted for TRUMP) would have you believe; the de-gendering of Mr. Potatohead was NOT a ‘woke’ overreaction but was actually a corrective to a decades long injustice perpetrated by a self-identified transphobic corporate executive more than 70 years ago.

When Potatohead was created, that was actually its name! Just Potatohead! When the toy was in its final stages of design prior to mass marketing and production, the owner of Mattel - Herb Gosterson, held an all-hands executive meeting where, per a recently released transcript of the minutes dated Jan 4th, 1952, he said the following, “My colleagues, I stand here before you as we collectively perch on the precipice of toy greatness, this new potato doll that you have created, ‘Potatohead’, will be a massive success. I am sure of it. Every child in America will want one. But there is one thing that I must confess. One very certain, very specific criterion that MUST be addressed before I sign off and we proceed to market. This potato doll is perfect in every way it seems except for one thing. The name. As a descriptor, Potatohead is excellent, but I’m afraid it is a little too ambiguous. And, if I feel this way, surely, many of our fellow Americans will share my sentiment and preference.

What preference is that you say? Why, the preference for gender identification. For no other reason than the fact that I have a deep and irrational fear of transgendered people. I am terrified of them.

In nightmares their very possibility haunts me, and my waking hours are spent in a state of extreme anxiety that I may encounter a person who was born a man, but identifies as a woman, or a woman, born so, but who identifies as a man.

I cannot explain my fear, perhaps its origin may be teased out by a trained psychoanalyst or chased from my brains by some form of electroshock therapy or medication.

And trust me when I say that, despite my fear, I harbor no ill will towards any transgendered person, I believe that they have always been and always will be and that they deserve equal rights and protection under the law, I know in 1952 that may seem radical, but I stand by it with all of my being.

And yet, if a transgendered person entered this room right now, you would hear me shriek and wail in utter terror, I would jump at these windows in a desperate attempt to escape, tearing at my clothes and soiling myself, for I am transphobic.

And so, before I put my stamp of approval on this most spectacular specimen of anthropomorphic tuber, I must demand a title indicative of a specific gender. I don’t care which, Mr., Ms., Sir, Mrs., just make it so.”

Thereafter Potatohead was known as Mr. Potatohead, and generations of children would grow up thinking that a potato could be a man or a woman but not a man who was born a potato man, but who identified as a woman potato or a woman, born as such a potato, could identify as a man potato.

Now you KNOW!