SOMEONE OUT-PIZZAS THE HUT
Dinner is served!
SOMEONE OUT-PIZZAS THE HUT
Frebs, MN - Despite its multiple and repeated assertions to the contrary, it seems that someone has indeed "out-pizza’d" the Hut. This dramatic revelation came to light at an area elementary school following an incredibly inspired arts and crafts session last Tuesday, where kindergartner Timothy Whelks revealed his culinary masterstroke: a pizza made entirely of construction paper, felt, and dried macaroni. Sources report that, upon thorough inspection, Timothy’s entrée appears to be superior in every way to the eponymous offerings of the Hut. ALLBEEFNEWS food writer Tent Pilger was dispatched to assess the bold creation and concurred that in the categories of appearance, smell, texture, and most importantly, taste, Timothy’s pizza clearly out-pizza’d the Hut.
Pilger had this to say, “Despite the bulk of the pizza being made from items that, for the most part, are completely inedible by any non-goat type of human, young Whelks’ creation is a symphony of gustatory delight when compared with the stuffed-crust abominations that spring forth from the haunted ovens of the competitor in question.”
A Pizza Hut spokesperson reached for comment was belligerent at the news and angrily retorted, “Who are you going to believe, Darryl from the office? Or some kid who isn’t even in the first grade yet? The clear fact is that NO ONE out-pizzas the Hut! NO ONE!”
Be that as it may, sales at area Pizza Hut restaurants have reportedly been down significantly over the past several days, and a seemingly never-ending stream of Uber Eats and DoorDash drivers have been idling outside the Whelks’ family home, apparently waiting for orders to be filled.
Reached for comment, Timothy had the following to say: “I like pizza! Can I have a juice box?” Genius works in strange ways.
