TODAY’S MOST EMBARRASSING DISCOVERY: SAFEWAY DOES NOT SELL BUTT PLUGS.

Sorry to have bothered you

TODAY’S MOST EMBARRASSING DISCOVERY: SAFEWAY DOES NOT SELL BUTT PLUGS.

“Large or small- we don’t sell butt plugs at all.” That should be a sign in Safeway. I went there today for two things: Screamin’ Sicilian Frozen Meat Pizza, and a new butt plug. Having quickly grabbed my favorite choice of frozen pizza, I made my way to the unmentionables aisle to peruse Safeway’s butt plug selection.  Despite finding numerous types of lubes, as well as an impressive array of condoms, I could not for the life of me find the butt plugs. I located an employee and asked about where they kept the butt plugs, but the guy didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. A few minutes later I found a manager and was told that Safeway didn’t carry butt plugs and that I probably needed to check a Kroger or a 7-11. Well, that made me feel like an idiot, here I am wasting everybody’s time when I could have just gone across the street to the Albertsons and saved everyone the trouble, how embarrassing!