M'S DECLARE 'PRICE OF VICTORY SAME AS COST OF DEFEAT'

Seattle Mariners Embrace Cost-Effective Approach to Achieve Consistent Mediocrity

M’S DECLARE ‘PRICE OF VICTORY SAME AS COST OF DEFEAT’

Seattle, WA - The Seattle Mariners recently revealed their longstanding philosophy, declaring that the 'price of victory is the same as the cost of defeat’. In a statement released by team ownership, it was unequivocally stated that, "It pretty much costs us the same to win or lose."

With this bold proclamation, the Mariners have shattered the conventional belief that investing in talent, scouting, and player development could yield a competitive team on the field. Instead, they have opted for a cost-effective approach that guarantees a consistent level of mediocrity year after year.

"Who needs to spend exorbitant amounts of money on star players or invest in cutting-edge training facilities when you can achieve average results for a fraction of the cost?" pondered a team spokesperson.

Some fans, who have long yearned for a championship, are now finding solace in the fact that at least their beloved Mariners are maintaining financial stability. "I used to dream of watching the Mariners compete for a World Series title," lamented a recent game attendee. "But now I can rest easy knowing that the team is fiscally responsible, even if it means perpetual disappointment."

While critics argue that the Mariners' approach undermines the competitive spirit of professional sports, the team's ownership stands firmly by their decision. "Our budget-centric philosophy allows us to focus on what truly matters—selling hot dogs and minimizing the emotional roller coaster that comes with winning or losing."